Steve’s Testimony

My name is Steve and I am a believer in Jesus, I am recovering from the effects of alcoholism and abandoning God while running my life on self will along with a whole lot of other hurts, habits and hang-ups.  I have a tendency to trade one obsessive behavior for another and I can find myself doing a number of different activities in excess and my life gets unbalanced and unmanageable awfully easy.

There was a time in my life a few years ago that I thought I had all of the answers and solutions for not only myself, but certain other people.  When I attempted to clean house of one evil spirit and didn’t fill the void with God, several other evil spirits and temptations of the flesh entered my life as it spun totally out of control.  My life’s focus was somewhat similar to that of the Canaanites in the Old Testament who were focused on money, sex and power.  I really intended to be helpful to other people, but I became hurtful instead.  I ended up breaking a fairly serious law.  At the time it had happened, I had been free of alcohol for only 3 weeks and I wrongly viewed the situation.  As a result when I was tempted I caved into the sin and did things my own selfish way.  As a result of this crime and this sin, I have been paying some serious consequences.

I had to truly become broken in order for God to begin to be able to fix me.  God didn’t waste this pain and He commanded my attention as a result.  I had committed crimes in the past, but this time I faced some time in jail for sure this time, I wasn’t going to get out of the situation without getting a little “wet” the lawyers told me and at the time I thought it was the end of the world and in my head I could come up with hundreds of reasons that would justify a outcome that didn’t involve jail.  God had different plans I guess and some teaching to do.  Before I had to go into jail, I found Celebrate Recovery in a round about way.  I was at an AA meeting and a rather attractive young woman (obviously didn’t learn the lesson yet about leaving women other than my wife completely alone) and she was talking about this “new” meeting where they fed you a meal, there was time for praise and worship, then some preaching and finally small groups.  But this wasn’t just for the alcoholics, it was for the alanons, people with depression, codependency, sex addicts, gamblers and so on.  I really had no business even talking to this woman after the AA meeting as I was married and she was admittedly attractive, but this “new” meeting caught my curiosity, so the following Friday I showed up at CR, she was there and I met a lot of the regular guys.  I showed up the following Friday and many Fridays since and have never seen her at CR again.  I still can’t decide if I was being tempted or tested, but in the end the focus has become clearly on Christ.

When I first came to Celebrate Recovery I knew deep down inside that God was missing from my life and recovery due to my choices and not His.  I was literally spiritually dead and it sickened me when ever I realized it or thought about it.  Slowly, through a community of other believers I was able to establish the beginnings of a personal relationship with Jesus that I had never known before.  I became accountable to my fellow believers and I ask someone who had a positive message to be my sponsor.  I faced the time in jail and I viewed it mentally and verbally as my trip to bible camp as I started reading the CR Bible from the very beginning.  Even in jail I was both tempted and tested by the lure of television, the talk of drinking or using, opportunity for excessive physical exercise or watching movies endlessly.  I didn’t always choose the word, but for the most part I was selective on what my eyes would watch and spent most of my free time reading the Bible my CR sponsor gave me a few months before.  I attended nearly every recovery or Bible meeting I could and when I only could go to one meeting on the outside, it was CR on Friday night which became the pillar of my recovery.  I openly confessed and talked about my new found faith and encouraged others by sharing prayers and hope with them.  The time went by much faster than I thought it would and I finished the entire Old Testament along with about half of the new, still left to work full time at my job.  I had no control at this point, so I would have to turn things and issues with the staff and other inmates over to the care of God on a daily basis.

After I got out of jail and was free to go to more meetings, I worked through a twelve step study program for nearly a year with six other me and we all grew in our knowledge of and relationships with Jesus.  I no longer walked alone by my own self will and now I realize that I never have to feel alone again now that I know Jesus was always there for me all along and will continue to be for me if I just seek Him.  I have been able to go through further adversity and difficulties without backsliding into old behaviors of intimidation, guilt and sympathy.  I try to face my problems directly with the wisdom of scripture and that of my accountability partners.  As Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 reads “Two are better than one, because they have good return for their work.  If one falls down, his friend can help him up.”

I believe that I am blessed by God and highly favored.  I have freely been given God’s grace far beyond what I deserve and for that I am truly grateful.  I now comprehend what it means to be reasonably happy in this life.  I now have a sense of hope where before I was hopeless.  Things are definitely not perfect and I continue to face many hardships and difficulties.  I have had to switch jobs, I struggle with family relationships, I can become angry or irritated at times, I am still entangled somewhat with what the court ordered for treatment and restitution and I admittedly face sexual temptation and impure thoughts.  I have learned that sharing these areas of my life that used to be secrets with a sponsor, accountability partner or small group allows me to free myself from their bondage.  A life of authenticity and transparency which in worldly eyes might be viewed as weak, has given me the ability to remove the pain and has allowed other people in recovery with me to share their secrets and find comfort in Christ also.

I have also been blessed with seeing other men gain new identities and freedom from their bondages of addiction.  I have encouraged them to go to meetings, to get a job, to get a better job, to pray and meditate and I have prayed for them and many others.  I try to share the resources that God has graciously given me with them and they have helped me along and shared with me in return.   I have been told I have changed for the better and I have come to believe it.  I have seen positive change in others and know in my heart that even people who have committed crimes as bad as murder can come to find peace and forgiveness in the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  No matter how far down we have gone, hope and truth remain for redemption both in this life and the next.

If you can be honest enough with yourself to admit that you have a hurt, habit or hang-up that is keeping you from a deep and meaningful relationship with Jesus, then please join us at Celebrate Recovery a local church near you.  You too can have freedom from your hurts habits and hang-ups.  Recovery and healing can and does happen!

God is able, thank you for letting me share!
Amen